Thursday, November 6, 2008

Obama Wins!


Firstly it needs to be said; To all those who voted for Obama, the world thanks you! Perhaps this will be the first step of many to come that will work towards rebuilding the United States global image, after the last 8 years with the Bush leager! I don't reside in the U.S so I don't really have much of a reason to be involved with the election, though the economy of America effects us all on this little rock 3rd from the sun, and that is a sad thing for us non-Americans. We, the rest of the world are in many ways at the mercy of the voters of America in this regard, so it is with a huge collective sigh of relief that a large portion of the global community relaxes a little with the idea of a well spoken, youthful leader about to take the reigns of the global economic fulcrum.

The fact that this year showed record turnouts from voters is a sign that the conscience of the United States has awaken once again. I guess it takes a President like Governor G.W.Bush to force people to rise up and demand the leadership they need, want and deserve and I wonder if that is in fact G.W's greatest achievement in his 8 years in the oval office?

Once again, Thank you voters of America, lets just hope this guy can deliver!

"It's a pretty easy job, you just have to try to not over-thinkify it, is all!"

Monday, October 27, 2008

A look at relationships

Here is a forum I joined in on at blogcatalog, it was very interesting to me to hear so many different peoples views on a topic that we are all effected by, seemed more then worthy to share!

Ok all you people out there.

More specifically you people who are in relationships or have been in relationships.

What works?

What doesn't work?

Does age play a factor?

Does having had past relationships affect the trust factor of your relationship?

Do you trust your partner 100%?

What are things that couples "should" always do together?

What way is best to handle finances?


Thanks ~ Duke (Single)

Reply

User Comments

  1. ekim941
    It all boils down to a willingness to make it work.

    Without that, you got nothing.
  2. MadameX
    Being honest and up front as close to 100% of the time as you can manage works. Anything else doesn't, even when it seems like it is.
    1. ekim941
      "Willingness" to be honest.
    2. MadameX
      Yep, I'll go along with that. You beat me to posting by five seconds, so your response wasn't there yet when I started writing. But I do think that you can be willing to make the effort and still go about it all wrong and muck it up--willingness has to be coupled with some kind of clue as to what's really going to yield a healthy relationship.
    3. ekim941
      "But I do think that you can be willing to make the effort and still go about it all wrong and muck it up"

      Willingness to forgive

      Keep trying.

      BTW, it bodes well for me that speed impresses you
    4. MadameX
      "BTW, it bodes well for me that speed impresses you"

      Why, darlin'...were you tryin' to impress me? Ah had no idea...
    5. ekim941
      Yeah well, that was an hour ago.

      I'm ready for another round
    6. DaneMorgan
      Hey, MadameX has never called me darlin'.

      I'm jealous. (which by the way isn't too good for relationships either).
    7. ekim941
      She even used that sexy southern accent
    8. DaneMorgan
      I noticed that.
  3. lordiwanttobewhole
    I believe both partners have to go through personal growth and maturity before even considering getting into a relationship or it will be a struggle...
    1. Dukepro25
      Almost married a girl.

      We were young though.

      I didn't feel like she had matured and that it wouldn't of worked had we actually gotten married.

      I'm positive, had we gotten married, it would of ended up in divorce.

      Haven't regretted it since.
    2. ekim941
      So Duke, you weren't "Willing" to stick around for her to mature?
  4. Sebastyne
    What works?
    - Similar personalities. I do not believe in opposites attract -theory.

    What doesn't work?
    - Trying to have a relationship with someone with mental problems. Anything from depression to narcissistic personality disorder. (Relationship with psychopathic serial killers apparently work, but I wouldn't recommend it.)

    Does age play a factor?
    - Yes. How much and in what direction is individual.

    Does having had past relationships affect the trust factor of your relationship?
    - It shouldn't. I refer to my earlier answer to what doesn't work.

    Do you trust your partner 100%?
    - Yes.

    What are things that couples "should" always do together?
    - Decide on how to raise the children.

    What way is best to handle finances?
    - Both parties have to be at least somewhat aware of the financial situation. If the other one isn't, there should be some sort of an arrangement that the unaware party doesn't over spend. Like a separate account for reckless spending.
  5. Anok
    What works?

    Honesty, and, whatever else the couple needs to make it work. For my husband and I, we need a healthy dose of all out no holds barred name calling and fighting once in a while. We also like to make fun of each other relentlessly. That works FOR US.

    What doesn't work?

    Trying to be the "perfect couple" and/or pretending to be something you're not - and pretending the relationship is something it's not.

    Does age play a factor?

    For some people it does. But I would say maturity - not age - is more of a factor. it takes an adult mentality to really make a relationship work.

    Does having had past relationships affect the trust factor of your relationship?

    Maybe - all of your past experiences will influence your current ones, so yeah - but as for how much? Depends on how crazy the person is.

    Do you trust your partner 100%?

    No, I don't trust anyone but my father 100%. My husband is as high on the list as it gets, though.

    What are things that couples "should" always do together?

    Cooperate.

    What way is best to handle finances?

    Joint decision making on purchases and budgets - let ONE person handle the details and bill paying though.
    1. DaneMorgan
      About pretending....

      Life is so much frakin better if you just be you.

      The people who like you will find you, the people who don't will mostly avoid you and everything is simpler and easier to enjoy.

      I heard a song on the radio the other morning and the only thing I remember is the line.

      "I'd rather have you hate me for everything I am than have you love me for something I'm not".

      I'm getting that put on a tee shirt.
    2. Anok
      Exactly. That way, no one's expectations will be squashed when they finally realize that yes, my spouse farts, spits, and has morning breath. Yes, s/he is cranky and doesn't always do the dishes, and yes, we fight!

      Being realistic is so much better, and understanding that the quirks of your relationship is what makes it special, not the other way around!
  6. TonyB
    Have any of you read David Deida's work on relationships and sex. It's really fascinating. The current 50:50 relationship, where a couple each contributes equally, sharing in tasks while far better than the dependent, role driven relationship of the 50s, has resulted in relationships that lack passion because we are minimizing our masculine and feminine essences - the result being depolarization.
    1. TonyB
      @Duke, get the book, Way of the Superior Man.
    2. MadameX
      That "role driven" relationship "of the 50s" served pretty well for a couple of thousand years. What exactly makes this thing we have going on today "far superior"?
    3. DaneMorgan
      I like roles.

      I like knowing expectations.

      I like disambiguation.
  7. Dukepro25
    Question: Is "trying" to hard just as bad as not being willing to make things work?

    Point - Can couples try to "fix" the relationship to the point were it actually breaks it?

    Or...should you just trust the other person to do their part?
    1. DaneMorgan
      No.

      But ultimately a relationship requires two people. If both are not on board it is not a relationship.
  8. PrincessQuello
    COMMUNICATION!

    Without that and trust, nothing else matters.
    1. Dukepro25
      Agreed

      Communication is HUGE!!!
    2. ekim941
      Ahem, "Willingness" to communicate
    3. PrincessQuello
      Haha, FINE....It's a good start anyway
  9. DaneMorgan
    Do something, every day, that is JUST for the other person.

    Be honest.

    Understand that no one is perfect. It helps to start with someone who's faults are things that do not matter too much to you.

    Never ever end the day still angry and unresolved.

    Understand that it IS possible to be angry and still love.

    As Tony pointed out, passion is important. Find something about your partner to be passionate about. Try to make this something they will appreciate (hint for the guys, being passionate about one of her body parts won't cut it).

    Be interested. genuinely interested. Don't waste time asking stupid questions you don't care about the answers to, like "So, how was your day". They can have that conversation with their mother. Ask something that means something. And be interested in the answer. probe for more information.

    Love is not a commodity. Nor is it a feeling. Love is a decision to make this persons interests as important to you as your own.
    1. TonyB
      Dane those are great words of wisdom. And I thought you were simply a web geek
    2. DaneMorgan
      Well, mostly I am.
    3. DaneMorgan
      PrincessQuello said what I said, and did it a lot more succinctly I think.
    4. PrincessQuello
      I'm a woman of many words when it comes to relationships but it all boils down to what I said...

      Because really...everything else becomes moot if you can't trust in what the other person is saying.
    5. Anok
      Oh you're so...sweet and...cuddly!

      *shudder*

  10. ModelElaine
    To answer your questions, a book needs to be written. It's impossible to summarize in a short form
  11. ekim941
    When I was married we would always go out to dinner two nights a week.

    She went on Tuesdays I went on Thursdays.
    1. TonyB
      So nothing has changed since you got divorced.
    2. ekim941
      The sex has gotten better and more frequent
    3. aningeniousname
      But the dishes have piled up and you can't find your "Where's the beef?" T shirt.
    4. ekim941
      That's so cute,

      You think she left the dishes and clothes.
    5. DaneMorgan
      That never worked out for me either...

      First time I got away with the shirt on my back.

      Second time, she asked for the shirt.
    6. TonyB
      Shirts and dishes aren't that important compared to....
    7. aningeniousname
      The Xbox always get the Xbox, and that's not a euphemism for MadameX's lady bits.
  12. Dukepro25
    Anyone care to admit any mistakes they made in their marriages.

    For all us newbs of course.
    1. DaneMorgan
      My biggest fault has always been, simply, not being there. I have always done work that involves long hours and extensive travel.

      I have ruined two marriages this way. I'm struggling with the third, for this same reason. I work a LOT of hours, and it is a strain.
    2. Dukepro25
      Thanks for sharing Dane.

      I can see how that had a negative effect on your marriages.

      For that very same reason I lost my GF.
    3. Anok
      I am demanding and OCD, and that can be a serious strain.
  13. gabgab
    I believe that a couple wanting to make a relationship work must on the onset set agreed limits, be willing to communicate and discover each person's limits.

    Sometimes, a personality trait can't be undone as much as work can't be avoided which sometimes affect our domestic time.

    In my experience, if a couple don't want to compromise or have a give and take formula for everyday conflicts like purchases, room decorations and what activities to do together ... they should just end it no matter how hard ... don't ya think so too?
  14. whimsicalpam
    One marriage (divorce) and 4 long term (2-5 years) relationships later - I've realized that you can't change people. So when the "magic" starts to wear off, are your basic values and principles compatible or does the other person's views, beliefs and little quirks, annoy you? Small annoyances can grow into a divide and basic values don't change. Knowing the other person's faults and accepting them is the key. If you can't accept their faults - it won't work, no matter how hard you try.
    What I thought that love was, in my twenties, is not at all what I think it is, in my forties. I think that's because I know myself better now, than I did then.
    1. DaneMorgan
      This post is going to end up as a quote on my blog at some point.
  15. calais50
    Don't believe the "opposites attract" BS!!! Find someone who is not only like you in beliefs and personality, but also who likes to do the things you like. It's sad to see my parents drift apart b/c they have nothing in common now that the kids have moved out.
    1. SweetViolet
      My husband have many differences...one could even say that we are a case of opposites attract. But our differences are complementary rather than conflicting. It works.
  16. inform4free
    1 second ago (new)
    I have very simple relationship rules:

    1. I never ask for permission
    2. I never give permission

    while in a relationship I do not have any rights over the other person, nor they over me, we are simply choosing to share our lives together. On that note, I make my decisions as I would a single man, and whole heartedly support my partner to do the same. when she wants to go out all night with the girls then she does and vice versa. we give each other the consideration of telling what we plan to do and then let the other party offer an alternative. basically if we dont like being together then we will end it, but until that day arrives we are both just two humans trying to enjoy the ride that is life and have some good times along the way...p.s we have been like this for over a decade!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Adlai Stevenson's ''Nature of Patriotism'' Speech, 1952


August 27, 1952

We have joined our strength with that of others-and we have done so in self-protection. We seek no dominion over any other nation-and the whole free world knows it! If there are those behind the Iron Curtain who don't know it, it is because their masters don't want them to know it.
I am not sure that, historically, there has been another powerful nation that has been trusted as the United States is trusted today. It is something new under the sun when the proudest nations on earth have not only accepted American leadership in the common defense effort, but have also welcomed our troops and bases on their territory. Ports the world around are open to American warships by day or night. Our airmen are stationed in the most distant lands.
Yet all is not perfect. There are still vital interests which we and our allies are not militarily prepared to defend.
Some of us are reluctant to admit that security cannot be won cheaply by some clever diplomatic maneuver or by propaganda.
We have not yet really faced up to the problem of defending our cities against the rapidly growing threat of Soviet air power. There is, for example, a great shortage of volunteers for our civil defense ground observation corps.
And many only partly understand or are loath to acknowledge that the costs of waging the cold war are but a fraction of the costs of hot war.
So there remain important tasks for us. I believe in a strong national defense, and I believe that we must press forward to improve our position and not waver or hesitate in this interval when the scales are so precariously balanced. While I think it is true that today the fight for preparedness is going well, there are other and even more difficult tasks that we dare not neglect.
The United States has very large power in the world today. And the partner of power-the corollary-is responsibility. It is our high task to use our power with a sure hand and a steady touch-with the self-restraint that goes with confident strength. The purpose of our power must never be lost in the fact of our power-and the purpose, I take it, is the promotion of freedom, justice and peace in the world.
We talk a great deal about patriotism. What do we mean by patriotism in the context of our times? I venture to suggest that what we mean is a sense of national responsibility which will enable America to remain master of her power-to walk with it in serenity and wisdom, with self-respect and the respect to all mankind; a patriotism that puts country ahead of self; a patriotism which is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime. The dedication of a lifetime-these are words that are easy to utter, but this is a mighty assignment. For it is often easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
Patriotism, I have said, means putting country before self. This is no abstract phrase, and unhappily, we find some things in American life today of which we cannot be proud.
Consider the groups who seek to identify their special interests with the general welfare. I find it sobering to think that their pressures might one day be focused on me. I have resisted them before and I hope the Almighty will give me the strength to do so again and again. And I should tell your-my fellow Legionnaires-as I would tell all other organized groups, that I intend to resist pressures from veterans, too, if I think their demands are excessive or in conflict with the public interest, which must always be the paramount interest.
Let me suggest, incidentally, that we are rapidly becoming a nation of veterans. If we were all to claim a special reward for our service, beyond that to which specific disability of sacrifice has created a just claim, who would be left to pay the bill? After all, we are Americans first and veterans second, and the best maximum for any administration is still Jefferson's; ''Equal rights for all, special privileges for none.''
True patriotism, it seems to me, is based on tolerance and a large measure of humility.
There are men among use who use ''patriotism'' as a club for attacking other Americans. What can we say for the self-styled patriot who thinks that a Negro, a Jew, a Catholic, or a Japanese-American is less an American than he? That betrays the deepest article of our faith, the belief in individual liberty and equality which has always been the heart and soul of the American idea.
What can we say for the man who proclaims himself a patriot-and then for political or personal reasons attacks the patriotism of faithful public servants? I give you, as a shocking example, the attacks which have been made on the loyalty and the motives of our great wartime Chief of Staff, General Marshall. To me this is the type of ''patriotism'' which is, in Dr. Johnson's phrase, ''the last refuse of scoundrels.''
The anatomy of patriotism is complex. But surely intolerance and public irresponsibility cannot be cloaked in the shinning armor of rectitude and righteousness. Nor can the denial of the right to hold ideas that are different-the freedom of man to think as he pleases. To strike freedom of the mind with the fist of patriotism is an old and ugly subtlety.
And the freedom of the mind, my friends, has served America well. The vigor of our political life, our capacity for change, our cultural, scientific and industrial achievements, all derive from free inquiry, from the free mind from the imagination, resourcefulness and daring of men who are not afraid of new ideas. Most all of us favors free enterprise for business. Let us also favor free enterprise for the mind. For, in the last analysis, we would fight for the death to protect it. Why is it, then, that we are sometimes slow to detect, or are indifferent to, the dangers that beset it?
Many of the threats to our cherished freedoms in these anxious, troubled times arise, it seems to me, from a healthy apprehension about the communist menace within our country. Communism is abhorrent. It is strangulation of the individual; it is death for the soul. Americans who have surrendered to this misbegotten idol have surrendered their right to our trust. And there can be no secure place for them in our public life.
Yet, as I have said before, we must take care not to burn down the barn to kill the rats. All of us, and especially patriotic organizations of enormous influence like the American Legion, must be vigilant in protecting our birth-right from its too zealous friends while protecting it from its evil enemies.
The tragedy of our day is the climate of fear in which we live, and fear breeds repression. Too often sinister threats to the Bill of Rights, to freedom of the mind, are concealed under the patriotic cloak of anti-communism.
I could add, from any own experience, that it is never necessary to call a man a communist to make political capital. Those of us who have undertaken to practice the ancient but imperfect art of government will always make enough mistakes to keep our critics well supplied with standard ammunition.
There is no need for poison gas.
Another feature of our current scene that I think invites a similar restraint is the recurrent attacks in some communities upon our public schools.
There is not justification for indiscriminate attacks on our schools, and the sincere, devoted, and by no means overpaid teachers who labor in them. If there are any communist teachers, of course they should be excluded, but the task is not one for self-appointed thought police or ill-informed censors. As a practical matter, we do not stop communist activity in this way. What we do is give the communists material with which to defame us. And we also stifle the initiative of teachers and depreciate the prestige of the teaching profession which should be as honorable and esteemed as any among us.
Let me now, in my concluding words, inquire with you how we may affirm our patriotism in the troubled yet hopeful years that are ahead.
The central concern of the American Legion-the ideal which holds it together-the vitality which animates it-is patriotism. And Those voices which we have heard most clearly and which are best remembered in our public life have always have always had the accent of patriotism.
It was always accounted a virtue in a man to love his country. With us it is now something more than a virtue. It is a necessity, a condition of survival. When an American says that he loves his country, he means not only that he loves the New England hills, the prairies glistening in the sun, the wide and rising plains, the great mountains, and the sea. He means that he loves an inner air, an inner light in which freedom lives and in which a man can draw the breath of self-respect.
Men who have offered their lives for their country know that patriotism is not the fear of something; it is the love of something. Patriotism with us is not the hatred of Russia; it is the love of this Republic and of the ideal of liberty of man and mind in which it was born, and to which this Republic is dedicated.
With this patriotism-patriotism in its large and wholesome meaning-America can master its power and turn it to the noble cause of peace. We can maintain military power without militarism; political power without oppression; and moral power without compulsion or complacency.
The road we travel is long, but at the end lies the grail of peace. And in the valley of peace we see the faint outlines of a new world, fertile and strong. It is odd that one of the keys to abundance should have been handed to civilization on a platter of destruction. But the power of the atom to work evil gives only the merest hint of its power for good.
I believe that man stands on the eve of his greatest day. I know, too, that that day is not a gift but a prize; that we shall not reach it until we have won it.
Legionnaires are united by memories of war. Therefore, no group is more devoted to peace. I say to you now that there is work to be done, that the difficulties and dangers that beset our path at home and abroad are incalculable. There is sweat and sacrifice; there is much of patience and quite persistence in our horoscope. Perhaps the goal is not even for us to see in our lifetime.
But we are embarked on a great adventure. Let us proclaim our faith in the future of man. Of good heart and good cheer, faithful to ourselves and our traditions, we can lift the cause of freedom, the cause of free men, so high no power on earth can tear it down. We can pluck this flower, safety, from this nettle, danger. Living, speaking, like men-like Americans-we can lead the way to our rendezvous in a happy, peaceful world.
Thank you-and forgive me for imposing on you for so long.

A great speech that still rings eerily true some 56 years after it was given.